Month: July 2014

Patience is NOT my Virtue…

/ jannanbland / Leave a comment

I have to admit that patience is not a quality that comes easily for me. I am an instant gratification, please let my day go according to plan kind of gal. As my mama says, my apple cart gets upset pretty easily. When I was pregnant with Maggie, some time during my first few months of hormone-induced madness, I cried and cried and told Scott that I hoped our baby would be like him- patient and optimistic. Those are 2 characteristics that I admire deeply about him. Maggie is one, but not the other. Go figure!

So, when one of my children get sick, I don’t do well. My apples scatter everywhere, and I don’t know which one to scoop up first!  I have learned that if you pray for patience, you better be ready for God’s answer on how to attain it. See, He is a soverign and awesome God. He is in the prayer answering business, but He wants us to use our free will for His purpose. We must CHOOSE to be more like Him, even in the patience department. He knows me so intimately well, that when my children get sick, he is waiting for me to choose his peace, and when I do that, his grace comes in waves of patience. I can feel Him within me, working. 
BUT, today, instead of searching for Him, I allowed my poor, sick Sam to leave me rendered helpless. He is running a fever; I had a sleepless night of stuffy noses, coughs, humidifiers, and nose suctioning. I got up this morning frazzled, and my day had not even really begun. I didn’t call on God. I just muddled through a disastrous kitchen, and rocked and rocked and sang and cried that my child was sick AGAIN! I didn’t ask God for His provisions of patience or perseverance.  I just went about my dark day without a source of light. Why on earth would I do that! 
Maggie had a dentist appointment today, and I was concerned about the doctor pulling 2 baby teeth that refuse to budge. She was nervous, and I remembered just enough to ask the ladies at church to say a little prayer for her. It dawned on me that I hadn’t even prayed for her, yet! I hadn’t prayed for Samuel. I hadn’t prayed for Scott, and I hadn’t prayed for my own sorry self! So, I stopped and did just that. I prayed for patience and guidance and for my family to feel better. 
I felt immediate relief. 
So, my point is- DON’T WAIT! Don’t wait until things feel so rotten that you just can’t take one more step or cook one more meal or wipe one more snot nose. Find HIM in the morning. He will be right there waiting to take your burdens. 
Is Samuel well- heck no. He is miserable. Am I tired? Exhausted!!  Am I better equipped to help him- absolutely. God gave me an awesome husband to lean on when I am overwhelmed. 
Just my thoughts from today. 
Maggie getting ready for braces! 

My mysterious Sam..

/ jannanbland / 2 Comments

The very beginning…


Scott and I tried to conceive for years and years before getting pregnant with Samuel. 7 long years. I wasn’t working before I found out I was pregnant, because we had chosen to take Maggie out of public school due to some health issues. Our budget was set and tight, but we managed. My mother called me one day around April 2012, and she asked me if I wanted to try fertility treatments. I had done that when we tried and tried to no avail before I finally conceived naturally with Maggie. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that again. She told me that, of course, she wasn’t pressuring me, but that she and my daddy would like to help us, if we wanted to go that route.  So, we did, and I visited with my specialist. I have trouble ovulating, so my doctor suggested an IUI before IVF, which is more expensive and invasive. We had sonograms, and the injections and pills were sent to our home through an online pharmacy by mid May. All I had to do was wait for my cycle to start and then we’d be on the road to, hopefully, a baby!
 I never started my cycle. The medicine sat on the shelf for a few weeks. I went to the doctor in tears, because I just didn’t know if this stress was more than I could take emotionally. He said not to worry, because I WAS PREGNANT! No medicine- just God’s timing. 

I say all of that to preface what I will be writing next. 

First of all, Samuel was meant to be. He is made in God’s image and was sent to our family for a purpose. I have never doubted that, and I never will. He makes me a stronger person, and I treasure each day with him and Maggie. 

My pregnancy was difficult at best and unbearble at worse. I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, diabetes with insulin injections, migraines, the flu, and too many hospital stays to count from dehydration and high blood sugar. I was bed-ridden, and there came a point where I could not even muster enough heart to pray out to God for help. He ended up carrying me, even without me asking. He is just so good that way. 
My mama came and helped Scott take care of Maggie and groceries and me. My due date was February 5, 2013, but I had to deliver early because of Sudden Fetal death risk in late term pregnancy of diabetic women. I had Sam on January 22, 2013, in a repeat C-section. The section went wonderfully. Samuel never left my arms. He never stayed in the nursery, and he had no complications at birth. He was healthy. He latched and nursed beautifully for the first 24 hours, and he slept peacefully. He even took a pacifier well. 



Then, things changed. We still don’t know exactly what happened, and I am not sure we will ever know. But, Sam was different. He quit suckling. He choked and turned blue in the mouth during his feedings, whether it was bottled breastmilk or at the breast itself. He began having twitching and spasms shortly after coming home from the hospital, and he had severe silent reflux. This is called Sandifer’s syndrome. It is rare to have it without a hernia causing it, but he did. He was put on Zantac and a compounded type of Prevacid for infants by his GI specialist. His speech (for suckling problems) therapist tried every nipple imaginable and tried to show him to suck, swallow, breathe instead of his way of sucking, breathing, swallowing, and choking. 
I began pumping every 3 hours, 8 times a day. I also encouraged him to nurse to sleep, as it seemed to calm the twitching some. The doctor ordered an EEG to see if he was having infantile spasms (seizures). That was so scary, but the results were good, and I felt such immense relief.



Over the first 4 months, Samuel slept between 20-22 hours a day. He just would not wake up, and when he did wake, he struggled and cried out. He was obviously so miserable. The medicines helped some, but he just didn’t seem right. That’s the only way we knew how to put it. After sleeping for so long, he wasn’t meeting his milestones. He didn’t have great head control until about 6 months. He didn’t roll over until well into his 8th month, and he didn’t start crawling until he was nearly 14 months. He finally started walking some around 17 months. We worried that he could be on the autisim spectrum. We worried that he may have had some type of stroke after birth. We worried, worried, and worried some more. We researched until our hands and eyes were weary. We just don’t know. 
He has an Early Intervention Specialist and a physical therapist that comes to our house weekly. He tested cognitively, very intelligent. That was reassuring!  He cannot hold a cup, clap, wave, or say vowel or consonant sounds still. 
Today, at his 18 month check up, the doctor noticed his eyes are moving in separate directions when he looks at things. I noticed it about a week ago, but tried not to worry, yet again. He is growing and progressing, just slowly. He is scheduled to see an eye specialist at Texas Children’s soon, as well as, a developmental specialist, to see if he may need an MRI or CAT scan. He has been breaking out in hives pretty regularly, and we know of 3 foods and dyes he is allergic to, so time will tell where that leads us. 

What I do know, and have learned from all of this, is that no matter where our path with our mysterious Sam leads us, God is always many steps ahead preparing the life He has in store for our son and our family. Once again, He has shown me that laying it all before Him- the worry, the unnecessary guilt, the fears and anxiety- is the only way I will get through the next steps on this journey. I have much to be grateful for. I have a precious boy with a fabulous smile and sense of humor. I have a son who lights my own path with joy and purpose. 



I read this on a blog written by a fellow mother. It just fits perfectly: 

Our day…

/ jannanbland / Leave a comment

Yesterday was so busy!  Maggie had her last day of VBS, and she was so happy to have gone and learned so much about Jesus! 

I cannot say thank you enough to those who worked VBS at our church. Amazing, beautiful people. 
Last night: 
I live in Katy, TX. I grew up in Pineville, LA, and graduated from PHS, class of 1995. I have lived here for 7.5 years, and my best friend, Charlene lives up the interstate in Kingwood. We graduated from high school together and went to La Tech together, getting into all sorts of trouble. But, that is a story for another blog! 
I grew up in Village Green subdivison with  Christa Skelly Wilson and Corrin Skelly Wilcox. We also graduated together. They live about 20 minutes from me in Cypress, TX. Tara Wilks Smith lives even closer, in Richmond, TX. She graduated 1 year behind us. And, Jimmie Snyder lives in Houston;  I just found this out about 2 days ago!
So, all of us PHS “kids” get together on a semi-regular basis. It is truly a blessing and super crazy that we are all here together in such a big world!
Last night, we all went to Christa’s house for hamburgers and lots of other goodies! Our friend, Tiffany Helton Daigle, was in town with her awesome family from Louisiana, and I was so excited to see my sweet friend after 19 long years! All of our kids played, and my face still hurts from laughing so much. It was awesome, and I even wore a dress! Ha! 

To dye or not to dye…

/ jannanbland / Leave a comment

On facebook today, I posted a little story about a woman asking me if I was a grandmother. Her friend said that I looked too young in the face to be a grandmother. 

I stood there in a sort of disbelief thinking to myself: Could it really be true? Have I not taken the time to look, I mean REALLY look at myself in the mirror? Have I allowed these years of motherhood, teaching, and life’s stress do me in? 

I laughed about it with my friends, Jessica and Charlene. We all knew the comment was “warranted” because of my gray hair. I try to get it dyed and cut every six weeks or so, but life happens and sick babies, therapy, messy houses, and lack of funds happen, too. I started graying around 14 years old. It, of course, got progressively worse, and by the time I had Maggie, I was about 80% gray. 8 years later, by the time I had Samuel, I was done for. I am silver.  No trace of my youth to be found in those thousands of strands sitting atop this tired head. 
I have debated letting it go natural. I’ve tried to convince myself that being the “real” me was the answer. I am tired of the money and work it requires to maintain. BUT, that is not me. I loved my dark hair. I miss and even grieved it when I could no longer see traces of my yesteryears. I am not a girly girl, really. I like comfort. I don’t do manicures, and I only sometimes do pedicures. And, truly, I avoid dresses at all cost, if I can help it. 
But, I just feel more like me when I have my hair done. I may have crows feet and laugh lines, but those just prove to me that I am working hard AND enjoying life. Those- I’m okay with. Those have many stories hidden in them. But, I just got unlucky with the premature gray gene. So, I’ve decided to dye until, well maybe, I die. 

A Riding we will go…or not

/ jannanbland / 4 Comments

Samuel hates the car. No, wait. Samuel HATES THE CAR! That’s better. 

I used to think my driving made him nauseous or that his cushy car seat just wasn’t to his liking. I adjusted every nook, cranny, and strap on that sucker out of pure desperation! Please, for the love of all things holy, stop crying. Relax. Enjoy the ride. Look into your little light-up mirror that plays happy, mind-altering music, and chill out!  I mean, I have actually had jealous thoughts of how warm and cozy and safe feeling his infant carrier must be. Oh, if only I could jump in and have another person tote me around! Pure Bliss!  But, alas, not Samuel! 
So, in our state of distress, we purchased the mother of all car seats. The Britax Advocate. Surely, with the word Advocate right there in the title with a pattern called Serene and a bunch of numbers following the description, along with the loan we should have taken out for it, it would be divine. Right? 

This piece of equipment has every amount of padding, cushion, and comfort one could ever need. It is nearly as large as my living room recliner and is approved for every type of transportation, space shuttle included. Ha!
We were oh so excited when it arrived on our doorstep. We just KNEW it was the answer to our woes and prayers. 
We put Samuel’s bum in it for the first time, and he unleashed a raging, hellacious fit that could only be rivaled by his screams of car seats past. 
Tonight, he cried. We stopped. He cried. We sang. He cried. We snacked. He cried. We played. He cried. He cried. He cried. Then, I cried. And, when we pulled into our neighborhood:  HE SLEPT. 
Exhibit A:  Tear soaked strap cushions. 

Exhibit B:  Grinning, happy baby in front seat with Daddy at pit stop. 

Exhibit C:  Rigged DVD player to encourage relaxtion. Aka: sleep 

Because of her…

/ jannanbland / 2 Comments

Paste, glue, super glue, rubber cement- whatever compound that one could consider the best adhesive to keeping things in place or piecing things back together when they seem irreparably broken- THAT is my mama.

My mother’s make-up includes plenty parts wisdom, many parts optimism, and most parts love. She is our “sticky” when no one seems together. 
This weekend, as every other 4th of July weekend for the past few years, my parents rent a waterslide, we have Maggie’s birthday celebration, and we eat good, grilled food!  All of their children and grandchildren come and slide and gourge ourselves to our hearts’ content. 
That doesn’t mean that any of our individual struggles or worries come to a halt, just because we come together for such a special day, though. We each have our own struggles in life, whether it be mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually- or a combination of any these things. We, like every other family, have “ailments.”  However, not everyone handles them the way my mother does. 
She has such a strong faith in Christ, and she believes firmly in her children’s ability to surpass life’s unwanted circumstances. She can talk any one of us right down from that ledge we are teetering on. She calms the seas of doubts when we are drifting into unknown territory. She holds this family together, and without her, I fear we would crumble. 
We owe her big time! But, there is not one way in this great, big world, we can ever repay our debts of rendering her nights interrupted when we need a shoulder or have a sick child. There is no way to compensate her for the time spent making certain we are stable and happy. There is no amount we could ever reimburse her for the prayers spoken and cried over her family. She deserves so much for the actions of unconditional and pure love she exhibits daily for us and our daddy.  We could never afford to cushion her bank account for everything she has bought or sent us during our lives. I am, indeed, a spoiled, yet eternally grateful child of this woman of grace I call Mama. Her grandchildren have been blessed beyond measure for the warmest of women they call Granna. 
Because of her and everything she does, our family sticks. Love you, Mama. 
Below is such a telling scripture about mothers and wives. For me, it exemplifies my mama. I especially love the highlighted parts. 
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.  She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.  She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.  She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.  She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.  In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.  She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.  When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.  She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.  Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.  She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.  She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
Proverbs 31
   

 

13 years and counting..

/ jannanbland / 2 Comments

Since having kids, our anniversary has been pretty much put on the back burner. We usually don’t do anything super special, but the evening always seems special, just the same. I was standing in our messy kitchen yesterday afternoon, and said to Scott,  “13 years ago, I would have never imagined standing in a messy house without my hair dyed or fixed, dealing with 2 kids and loads of laundry and dishes.”  

Scott replied with, “I know! Isn’t it amazing!” 
Huh? I have to admit that “amazing” was not the exact word I was thinking. 
I was pondering more of a -oh dear Lord, I wish we could afford a get away or at least a kid-free weekend. I am pining for some alone time! 
But, the look on his face was precious to me, because he is so happy. He is the optimist in my pessimist world. He is my glass overflowing, while I am his glass that is bone dry. Ha!
In that moment, I realized that it is, indeed, AMAZING! This crazy life is just where I want and need to be. These kids are who I longed for for many years. My glass is full. My cup overfloweth. 
So, Maggie went to a friend’s house for the night and had a fabulous time. And, Scott, Sam, and I did this year exactly what we did last year for our anniversary. We went to eat and to shop for Maggie’s birthday present. 
 
Sam, last year on the 30th:
Sam, yesterday, June 30th:
He has grown so much!  Our big boy!
Scott got me a little sweet bucket of goodies, and the sweetest card. 
And the folks at Saltgrass gave us a sweet dessert to share. 
Then, we called it an early night at 9, changed into our pjs, got Samuel to sleep, and watched our shows in our recliners. It sounds mundane to some, but to me, it was wonderful. 
So, onto our actual wedding day, June 30, 2001. 
My college roommate, Jess, and I got up early that Saturday morning and went to
have my hair done and my veil put on securely. It started to rain on the way to the church, and I was so hungry!  So, we pulled into Burger King, got our whopper fix, and cruised on down to the church with my veil blowing out the window. It was one of the most fun moments of that day. We had so much fun laughing!  I got to the church, and my sister did my makeup. Wrong color! I looked nuts!   But, I took it stride, and we started over. My bridesmaids were wonderful. Charlene, Jessica, Mandi, Ashley, and Mer. We had a blast. 
The wedding was perfect. The reception was lovely, and I am thankful to my parents for the perfect day. Scott was, and is still my puzzle piece that just fits. Love that man.