Yesterday was a good day, and an oh so hard day. Maggie has been asking to go back into the pubic school system for a while, and Scott and I met with her awesome principal today. We felt so wonderful leaving the building, and we are trusting God to hold our girl tight through her medical issues this year.
Then, I went to Holy Covenant and registered Sam man for a mother’s day out program. I am sad, but we are really looking forward to him having some much-needed socialization with other toddlers, as it can really aid in improving his development.
Scott had his first of 2 leg surgeries, and it went well, but he is super sore. He is having his second one right now, as I wait.
After we got home and settled, my mama, Maggie, Sam, and I went school supply shopping. I noticed that I wasn’t feeling “all there” during the trip and realized that I had missed a dose of my Lexapro. This is not something I do. But, I guess with the worry of all that was going on at home, it just slipped my mind.
I went to the pharmacy and picked it up, but by that time I was not doing well. The anxiety that my medicine helps me with was off the charts. I cried and cried. I asked God why I had to have this. I have asked Him this question many times before, usually when I am in the depths of despair, as Anne Shirley would say (Anne of Green Gables). I snapped at Maggie, I felt like I couldn’t calm Samuel, I was worried about Scott, and I hated that my mama was here visiting when I had this meltdown.
The depression creeps in. It matters not what I am going through- it creeps. It doesn’t discriminate time of day or night- it creeps. It grabs hold like a hell-bent thief, casting ghastly shadows that steal joy and dish fear, doubt, and insecurities. It can debilitate even the strongest person of faith. It pummels the best mothers, and it delights in pain. It creeps… and then, it pounces. And, it hurts. It leaves scars on the heart and makes the soul feel empty.
I thank God for modern medicine that allows my real self to reappear from behind the clouds. I thank God for a family full of support. I thank God that I feel better this morning.
thisblandlife 