I feel pulled. I feel pulled much like the rope in tug of war. The only difference is that there is no one on either side stretching me to my limit. No external force has yanked or jerked me toward the inevitable mudpit in the middle. I, alone, have pulled myself taut. 

I have put so much pressure on myself to be all things to all people in my home, that I am so tightly wound. The tension is painful. 

I have a messy house that needs to be cleaned before the maid can even clean it. I am struggling with Maggie’s needs, and I feel like maybe some family therapy to help her deal with all of the changes would be beneficial. 

Scott is precious. He helps me in so many ways when he isn’t at work providing for us, too. But, by day’s end, I don’t have the energy to be his rock like he is for me.  He just works so hard. He is honest and good and does so much that he doesn’t have the time to learn about Samuel’s needs right now. So, I do all of the paperwork, appointments, therapy, insurance, filing, and scheduling. Usually, by the time the kids are in bed, I am too exhausted to go through with him what I have learned, discovered, or read. 

I have been reading an awesome book. It  was published many years ago, but it is stil prevalent today for families who are dealing with these types of situations. 

There is a chapter titled Marital Stress that gives true accounts of what couples feel like and encounter during stressful times. It talks about becoming emotional and informational partners. So, Scott and I are really trying to find a balance. We teeter and fall, but so far we are picking ourselves back up each time we stumble with our emotions and stress. One family said that their marriage stayed spiritually and emotionally sound because they scheduled time together weekly. 

Well, weekly just doesn’t happen for us, but Scott and I got to a point a couple of weeks ago where we were just at our wit’s end. So, we decided that we needed a day as a couple. To talk. To hold hands at lunch. To do one of our favorite date things to do- browse bookstores. I love that we have that in common.