I opened my Blogger app feeling the need to write. Usually, I write as I lie down for the night, when things are quiet. Tonight is no different, except that my mind is twirling with all the things I have botched or utterly failed at this week. I lost a packet of paperwork from Sam’s neurologist. I have to take it with me Tuesday to his geneticist appointment. I failed at getting the laundry finished, the cabinets straightened, making a doctor’s appointment, and the list goes on for miles it seems. I feel as though my children are never well these days, and I am not doing enough for either of them. I can’t concentrate on conversations Scott and I are having, as my thoughts wander. My brain cries out: Get it together. Stay on top of things. Gain control. Yet, my body is screaming: Rest! You are tired. Sit! 

I know that Satan’s hands are never idle. They are busy trying desperately to weave doubts, insecurities, and misery into my head and heart. I know that he is not the filler of my soul. No, that is my Savior’s place. I feel dry- parched for His comfort and peace. I love the song As the Deer.  The lyrics flood over me and help me to claim my redeemer. 

My soul longs for thee. He will quench my thirst, turn doubt into hope, hold me tightly until security consumes me, and cast away frustration until I see joy. I just have to LET him. Why is it that we hold on until we are completely drained before deciding to lay it at the cross?  I am so imperfect, why would I attempt to self-soothe and gain control over my life, when the One who gave me life cries for me to let Him take the lead?

So, tonight I will drink from his word until my thirst is quenched.  And I will sing: