Scott and I met with Samuel’s therapist at his autism school. She is a nice lady named Kathleen, and she was very encouraging. We discussed the targets that they are currently working on with Sam. Communication is one of the key elements. They are trying to at least have him sign the words that he recognizes and knows the meaning to. His receptive language (words he responds or shows the meaning of) is still lacking a great deal, but he is making more noises verbally. The charts that should have blue markings are all so empty, compared to the vacant spaces. He is basically about a year and 3 months behind in every area, except gross motor skills. His walking is so much better, as well as his balance. He is also starting to climb on some things, which makes him look more like a little boy than a baby. It makes me smile.  He is also imitating more actions now. That is reassuring. The thing I am happiest about is his eye contact, tracking, and discovery. He is looking in our eyes now, watching our movements, and discovering others’ movements. It really has grown him up a good deal. I am thankful for his school.

Today, Samuel had a follow up with the autism neurologist. She gave us the full report on his 23 hour eeg. There was no seizure activity during those hours, and we are beyond grateful for that. However, the test came back with abnormal “overlying fast Beta activity.” His brain waves are moving at a faster rate than is normal. His ammonia levels came back high, as well. Both of those things are indicators of a metabolic disorder.  And, it is common for children with Samuel’s chromosome duplication to have other issues like this arise.  So, they have ordered a repeat of labs, and then they will send us to a specialist for what will be next. It upset us, naturally, but if these fast waves are, in a sense, clouding his ability to develop appropriately, then we need to know what to do to help him. So, I am thankful for the report, as well. I have to admit, that we were really aggravated that it took so long for the doctors to realize they had not communicated this with us earlier, as we have called and asked. We are trying to stay on top of it all. 

Maggie came home with a fantastic progress report and reading report from school today. I am proud of how hard she works. She is ready for SUMMER!

I am having some issues right now with exhaustion and my depression. I am just so tired, and I am having trouble sleeping. Scott will be gone the entirety of next week, so I am praying for rest. I have a doctor’s appointment soon, so maybe he’ll prescribed the ocean. I’ve heard that does wonders. 

I met a young, new mother a few weeks ago at Methodist Hospital in Katy. She was having trouble healing from her birth. I didn’t want to be intrusive, but she was in tears, and I felt such a need to comfort her. 

When Maggie was nearly 3, I got my foot in the door of Katy ISD by becoming a home bound teacher for young mothers who were still in school. It was rewarding, yet heartbreaking a lot of the time. Some of these sweet girls lived in near squalor, and their lives were very difficult. Add a baby to their already burdened situations, and I could not imagine being in their shoes.  Maybe being a mother myself, or maybe remembering what those young women went through, or maybe even both, pulled at my heart strings. 

I decided to take a seat beside her and her husband. I put my arm around her, and she just leaned into me with a kind of sadness that is hard to describe. We began to talk, and I learned that she is just 19 years old, newly married, and she was hell-bent on nursing her baby. I admired her determination. She had this sheer, undeterred strength about her that I am certain I had no concept of as a teenager. 

We talked about nursing, and she was worried about her baby boy having enough milk. I talked to her about supply and demand and pumping. She said that she couldn’t afford a pump but that she wished she had one for times when she would have to be away from baby. 

We exchanged numbers, and I decided to give her my pump. My mother purchased it for me, as it was a large expense for a us at the time. 

So, today, I took my Medela out of its box, cleaned it, and made sure all of the parts and adapters were there, along with the owner’s manual. I washed and sterilized the flanges, ordered her some new tubing, and packed it all together. 

I have nursed and pumped for 2 babies, always wishing that I would have more. But, my pregnancies were nothing close to easy.  My tubes have been lasered, and my age is increasing. I never expected to have such a hard time saying goodbye to this “friend,” that I had such a tumultuous relationship with. On one hand, I absolutely despised the every 3 hours, 8 times a day pumping regime I took on, but on the other hand, had it not been for this amazing device, Samuel would have never been able to benefit from his mother’s milk, as he had so many problems eating and nursing. 

It was the final farewell to my days as a mother of an infant; tis that will never be again. I will never again buy tiny onesies, wee washcloths, or newborn diapers.  I will never hold another baby to my breast and nourish them, knowing I have everything they need for now. I am sad, but I am so very grateful for the history of midnight feedings, morning snuggles, and the bond that I helped to create between my children and me. I am glad that this precious mother will be able to do what her heart desires, even when her bank account says no. 

Samuel is melting down so intensely. I have tried everything I know to calm him. I have rocked, bathed, rocked, sang, rocked, sat, sang, walked, fed, and done it all again. Scott has finally just walked through the door, after a long day, and he has taken over. I can only pace, as I have done all in my power to calm his overstimulation. And, as I pace, I type this blog. And the more I type, the more anger seems to creep.  I pray that God calms this within me. 

Easter is my favorite holiday. I don’t feel inundated with the pressure of commercialism. The Easter bunny does visit our house, but I find much more pleasure in the filling of baskets than the wrapping of presents at Christmas. Easter symbolizes new life. Flowers bloom, leaves return to barren trees, animals birth their young, and spring begins to emerge.  Grass is greener, children are back outside, after hibernating on winter days, and light slowly grants us longer hours to play.