I am up. It is late, and I know the sun will dawn before I am ready to start a new day. The house is quiet, except for the once in a while creeks of settling walls that reverberate with the happenings of our day. I imagine the anxiousness it would feel, if possible, from the disarray of toys, laundry, and mail left unopened. I, too, feel it.  

Samuel has missed a week of therapy because of this 3rd round of flu, and he has become so much more attached to me in these past days. It warms my soul, but it also foreshadows what returning to his facility might entail. He will struggle, as his routine changes once more. Even more so because of the autism and his need for intense structure. A large slice of me wants to keep him here with me, where his hugs and slobbery kisses abound, and where I know he is in his zone of limitless comfort. But, there is a sliver of my heart that pumps erratically and beats against the walls of my chest when I am reminded that he will not progress if I don’t send him. Oh, how I long for simple choices. 

But, alas, I do not have the luxury of lazy, park-filled, picnic, or pajama days with my wee one. It is ironic that he is developmentally behind but must grow up faster than most children his age. Therapy is constant, hard work. He is working 40 hours weekly at 2 years old. Things, I fear, will never be simple for my Sam. But, I am determined that LIFE will be good for him. There is this immense pressure that I carry with me, knowing that I am his advocate for a better, productive life.  And, even at just 29 months old, I am required to think much farther into the future when it comes to him. And, I will. It is taxing and demands a mind set of optimism. I am a pessimist/realist by nature, but God is molding me into not only seeing the glass as half full, but realizing that it can be filled over and over again by His grace and goodness.  

 
Maggie is so very happy and in love with her Waddles. He has become a normal, every day member of the Bland home. He sits on the couch while we watch TV, and he squeals when we walk into the room. He purrs when he is petted, and he hops and shimmies when he has clean bedding and lots of vegetables. Who knew!
   
 Just my random thoughts for the day.