We have 2 nights left in Katy, and then we will be on the road to Denver for the next 7 months. This week has been full of doctors’ appointments and packing. 

I did take time out to enjoy dinner and great conversation with 2 of my favorite girlfriends, Tara and Stacy. We had awesome food at BJs, and we were able to catch up on the last 2 months of our lives. The girls bought dinner and gave me an amazing goody basket for the trip! 

 

A few months back, I read about a faith-based initiative called Project Semicolon.  Check it out:    http://www.projectsemicolon.org/  As an English major and teacher, I have always loved grammar and editing. So, I thought it was really neat that 2 large parts of my life were intertwined in this movement- depression and punctuation. And, something that is near to my heart is raising awareness about depression and OCD. I no longer hide from my illnesses, but they are still very much under-discussed and even taboo in some places. Many people just don’t understand what a life with mental illness entails.

A semicolon is 1 of 3 ways that 2 independent clauses (sentences) can be joined. A comma, along with a conjunction, and a period are the others. 

The semicolon movement states that, “A semicolon represents a sentence the author could have ended, but chose not to. That author is you, and the sentence is your life.”

I chose to seek help for my illness. I didn’t let it win. I entered a program to help me during my pause. And, when I was well enough, I carried on. I may have more pauses. I may have many semicoloned clauses, but I choose to fight. 

I shared with Tara that I had decided to get a tattoo of a semicolon, and she was super supportive.  I didn’t make the decision lightly, as I have never had a tattoo in my life. I have never thought of myself as a tattoo kind of girl; I am pretty plain. I rarely even wear makeup. I knew that by getting a permanent marking, it could never be undone. But, I also knew friends, family, and even perfect strangers may ask me why in the world I had this semicolon etched on my wrist, thus leading to further education about mental illness. 

It was a deeply personal decision, and we 3 amigas took the leap. Tara and I got our semicolons. It was a very emotional time, and tears were shed. Not because of surface pain caused by the needle (well, I did wince a lot), but for the pain that depression causes. We cried for each of our pauses, and for the grace and mercy of our Savior, who gave us the abilty to move forward while in our darkest moments. We cried for a beautiful future, as we each have come a long way. It was even better that Stacy was there to cheer us on and to get her blackbird, too.  The blackbird represents rebirth and renewal, as in Poe’s The Raven, and in my Beatles’ anthem, Blackbird.  I am so thankful for good friends. Love these girls.                  

” Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise. ”             

 
  

I am so very thankful to have my maternal grandparents with me still, as I am 37 years old. I treasure this gift. I miss them so much tonight- my Granny and Papaw. I usually see them at least 3 times a year, from November to November. This year was different. I saw them at Thanksgiving, then again at Christmas. But, during our visit home for the 4th of July, Samuel got the flu. My sweet Papaw has cancer, and he, nor my Granny Jane can be exposed to that awful illness, of course. So, I missed seeing them. It has been 8 months since Christmas, and this is the longest span in my life that I have gone without a Papaw hug and a Granny meal. I have not dozed in the living room, to the sound of the clock they have had for 50 or more years. I have not watched hummingbirds feed, from the sun room windows. I have not smelled Shalimar on my Granny’s wrists, and I have not had peas and cornbread. But, what I treasure and miss most is just “being” with them. Just the sound of my Papaw’s voice and my Granny’s laugh. I love the way my children brighten their days.  Their greats- what they call all of their 20 great grandchildren.  These are the moments when I would give just about anything to live back home. But, for now, that is not the journey God has for us, and we are leaving for a new adventure in Denver. I pray that God holds them safe and steady in his care, so that they are ready for us at Christmas. I pray that my Papaw has more “better” days than not. And, I pray that they know how much their love and guidance means to me.  But until then, we will call and facetime. And, when I am homesick, I will imagine their house and the comfort they still bring to this grownup grandchild. 

   
    
    
 

I am overwhelmed! OVERWHELMED! We have so much to do before this move; my head is constantly spinning, which means no sleeping. Apartments, schools, cleaning, packing, furniture ordering, doctors’ appointments, yada, yada, yada. 

Samuel’s last day of therapy in Katy is the 29th, and we are to be in Broomfield, CO, the 1st of September, to move into the apartment we have leased. 

All of this would be stressful and hectic anyway, but when depression rears its ugly face, it exasberates the situation exponentially. My OCD is in full swing, causing unecessary worry, panic, and doubt. I am out of control trying to count everything I have done, making sure it is all “even.”  Two chairs, 4 pillows, checking locks 6 times, making sure my glass has 4 or 8 pieces of ice. It is consuming. I have learned, over the years, to think rationally and to overcome individual moments of this madness.  But when big life changes or decisions come, I just sometimes cannot take hold of that technique. It is exhausting to think  that if I don’t do things in evens, then something awful, horrific, tragic will happen to someone I love. It makes no sense, but it makes complete sense in the moment. Those times make my heart race, my shoulders heavy, and they make me want to crawl under the covers, so that I can’t possibly be responsible for the safety of my family. 

   
 Scott is always so good about seeing the worry in me, and today he gave me a lovely card with this note:  

He would never brag on himself, as he is just so good that way. But, I am thankful that he is my partner, so that I can say how great of a person he is. I appreciate him so much, and I always “joke” that if we were ever to divorce, then my family would keep him, instead of me. I can’t put an “lol” after that sentence because it is probably true. 

I have a good one, and I know his love and prayers for me keep me sane, even when I don’t feel it. I am a lucky girl, who thanks the Lord for such an optimistic, bear-hugging spouse. I think I’ll keep him. 

Ahhh.. The sounds of 2 sleeping beauties, tucked into bed with me, is wonderful. This mama is tired!  It has been a busy, busy week, as Scott has been in Denver working. We have bought, washed, and packed for Maggie’s very 1st church preteen camp, and she will be off tomorrow having such a great time. Samuel has had therapy all week, but he has come home each day with smiles and wanting to play. Then, there are the norms, like feeding these growing kids! Breakfast, lunch, and supper, Oh My! And, my dreadful stye inside my lower lid had to be surgically fixed. Ouch!

It has also been an emotional week, as my Daddy and Mama had to say goodbye to their sweet 15 year old Dabney dog. She is resting easy, now, and she lived a wonderful life. But, it is hard to lose a family member.     Dabney-with my Dad, Avery, and   Mag. 

AND.. Friday evening Scott came in from work, and announces that his company is moving us to Denver for the next 7 months. Whoa! I cannot take it all in. Where will we live? What about Samuel’s therapy? Will insurance cross over? How will Maggie cope? What about our house? And the list goes on. 
I had to get busy in a hurry! We have found a good medical facility for Samuel, that Scott toured today. They believe his insurance for ABA therapy will be covered, and everyone was really friendly. Keeping my prayers said and my fingers crossed!   Maggie is going to do a computer-based homeschool program until we return to Katy, and she is super excited to go back to Colorado. She loves it there. We found an apartment tonight and put down the deposits. I have called every doctor for each child to make sure they get in to see them before we leave. I am concerned about Sam’s eye appointment at the end of this month, as well as, his immunology appointment. We will see what the doctors recommend and make those things a priorty before we leave and when we arrive. 

Our move in date is September 1st, and we have a ton of things left to do, but Lord willing, we’ll get it all situated, packed, and arrive safely. 

 Our home for the next few months. 

I have not had long to digest the news, but I am so excited for Scott. It will be the 1st time in 14 years that he will not have an hour and a half bumper-to-bumper commute. And, Sam’s potential school is super close, too. It is going to be so nice eating dinner earlier as a family and having more time together. Maggie is most excited for snow and snow tubing and snow boarding and snow EVERYTHING! I told her she might get tired of it. She refuses to even entertain those thoughts. 
  
I read this verse from my devotional yesterday. Very fitting. Thank you, God for reminding to have faith and to abide in You! 
So, lots of changes for my family in these weeks ahead. Change can be so good and gratifying, but it is terrying at times, too. Letting go when someone we love exits our lives is such hard change. Leaving friends and family is sad, too. But, following HIS path is rewarding and right. And, I am trusting in Him. 

Prayers are so appreciated as we make this transition. We covet them. 

We have been busy bees since coming home from vacation. Laundry, picking up Mae dog and Waddles, grocery shopping, and a house that needs to still be swept and mopped. I am too pooped to do it! Tomorrow begins the return to normalcy in the Bland house. Samuel starts back to ABA therapy, and he will begin speech therapy, too. Scott bids farewell to his time off and goes back to work. And, Maggie and I have Little House on the Prairie to watch!  Just kidding. We have have cleaning and school supply shopping to do! 

Some friends have asked about Samuel’s progress in the last month, so I thought I’d update. He is seeing an immunologist on the 26th, to see if he needs some sort of treatment for his weakend immune system caused by his duplication. He is also seeing his ophthalmologist on the 28th to check  his eye that he closes constantly when looking at things and people. He looks so cute when he is doing it, but we think the lazy eye hasn’t corrected itself, but has instead gotten worse. So, we shall see. 

As far as developmentally, Samuel is making such great progress. He is learning to climb stairs and is clapping more. He is vocalizing so much more, and he is still saying, “uh oh!” He is becoming more independent, and he is exploring everything! He is even walking on all kinds of surfaces, now, where before he was terrified because of his sensory problem. But, the most improvement has been receptively and in his personality. He is such a little BOY! He is rough and silly and oh so much fun!  He loves, loves, loves the water and his sister. And, he is attached to his soft Sofie giraffe. He takes her everywhere with him- by the neck!  He is smiling more and laughing all the time, too! He is growing so tall, and his hair is growing even curlier! I think he has some Maggie genes.  He is just so sweet. We are all so proud of him, and I am excited for what the next months will bring. 

Well, that’s about all for now!  

 Lazy eye:  AKA tough guy. 

  
Two weeks ago today we left Katy, for our family vacation. And, oh what a vacation it has been! We have had such a good time together, and I pray that it is not soon forgotten in the mind of our sweet girl. Samuel was just phenomenal, and Maggie is so grateful to be home, as we all are. 

We have seen so many gorgeous landscapes and locations. And, we have learned much about our amazing country’s history. From inventions to Americans’ perseverance, we were constantly reminded to be thankful for this land. 

Today, we made our last stop in Oklahoma City, before making the big push home tonight. It was the perfect way to wrap up this trip of learning. The Oklahoma City National Memorial was beautiful, yet heartwrenching. But, it showed all of us the importance of living the life that God has planned for us to pursue, as it is brief and uncertain.  I had a really hard time at this memorial, especially knowing that I was only feeling a miniscule of emotion and sorrow compared to the families of the men, women, and children who died that day. This day showed, so profoundly, what the product of intense hate and violence can be.  I just couldn’t bear to take many pictures, as it felt wrong somehow. But, I have posted a few. I will never forget. 

Thanks for taking the journey with us. Thank you, Lord, for Your promise of a heavenly home, when this earthly life is finished.  Please be with these families, always. Amen