I am overwhelmed! OVERWHELMED! We have so much to do before this move; my head is constantly spinning, which means no sleeping. Apartments, schools, cleaning, packing, furniture ordering, doctors’ appointments, yada, yada, yada. 

Samuel’s last day of therapy in Katy is the 29th, and we are to be in Broomfield, CO, the 1st of September, to move into the apartment we have leased. 

All of this would be stressful and hectic anyway, but when depression rears its ugly face, it exasberates the situation exponentially. My OCD is in full swing, causing unecessary worry, panic, and doubt. I am out of control trying to count everything I have done, making sure it is all “even.”  Two chairs, 4 pillows, checking locks 6 times, making sure my glass has 4 or 8 pieces of ice. It is consuming. I have learned, over the years, to think rationally and to overcome individual moments of this madness.  But when big life changes or decisions come, I just sometimes cannot take hold of that technique. It is exhausting to think  that if I don’t do things in evens, then something awful, horrific, tragic will happen to someone I love. It makes no sense, but it makes complete sense in the moment. Those times make my heart race, my shoulders heavy, and they make me want to crawl under the covers, so that I can’t possibly be responsible for the safety of my family. 

   
 Scott is always so good about seeing the worry in me, and today he gave me a lovely card with this note:  

He would never brag on himself, as he is just so good that way. But, I am thankful that he is my partner, so that I can say how great of a person he is. I appreciate him so much, and I always “joke” that if we were ever to divorce, then my family would keep him, instead of me. I can’t put an “lol” after that sentence because it is probably true. 

I have a good one, and I know his love and prayers for me keep me sane, even when I don’t feel it. I am a lucky girl, who thanks the Lord for such an optimistic, bear-hugging spouse. I think I’ll keep him.