I know that my children and husband are my top priorities, besides my realtionship with Christ. But, after that, it all seems as if I am looking through fogged glasses. 

I have absolutely no idea what I will do as my children age, and Samuel goes to school. Some would tell me not to worry, that I have time to figure it all out. But, I know that time is fleeting. Before I realize it, both of my children will be well on their way, submerged in more activites, school, friends, and then college. I don’t believe that I will ever go back to the classroom, as I struggle deeply with the pressure teachers and students deal with from state testing. It is stressful, worrisome, and not how I believe God intended for our children to learn. 

I tried getting my Masters degree, but found myself feeling sad that my attention was being taken away from Maggie. I have many thoughts of what I might do. I think that I will finally write my book. I love the written word so deeply. I think I might finally hone my photography skills. I think I might go back to school to be a nurse or a speech therapist. I think I might get my Masters in English and teach Hemingway till my heart’s content. I think, I think, I think.  Maybe I just need to take the weighters off, leap in the water, and start swimming toward a goal until I have reached shore. Maybe the real Jannan Bland should stand up, not sell herself short, and leave it in the Master’s hands.