Scott is home from Denver. I am thankful for God’s protection as he traveled. I am relieved that he will be with me tomorrow, as we got a last minute call from the nurse at the autism center telling us that they have moved Samuel’s appointment up from December to tomorrow. I have been anxious since the call came. Part of me is relieved that we may find out where Sam falls on the autism spectrum. Part of me is terrified of where he falls on the autism spectrum. And all of me, in this very quiet, dark moment wishes that the appointment wasn’t tomorrow- that the appointment would never come.  It reminds me of the anticipation Dorothy faced when waiting for the “great wizard of Oz” to appear from behind the curtain. He kept himself hidden- blissfully unexposed, never wanting others to see his true character. My mind is racing, searching for a place to hide itself from what may be. My heart is pounding, teetering on the edge of brokenness, needing to be guarded. Wanting, yet not wanting to know is difficult. 

The Bible says in Phillipians 4:6-
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Dear Lord, please comfort our hearts and minds as we embark on this unfamiliar and uncertain journey. Please help the specialist see just how special your child, Samuel, is and for her to know how to assist him.  Please help me to hold onto your love and mercy, sending your words flowing through my thoughts. I give it to you, completely. Thanking for your unconditional love.  Amen