I am convinced that God is molding us as a family through all of this illness we have endured. This is our burden to bear. Every person has something that is heavy-laden, and this is ours, for these moments. But, I am praying that this bit of light in such a dark tunnel is the beginning of wellness.
Samuel is still sick, but he seems in better spirits most of the day, and Maggie’s asthma is calmer today than in days past. Thank you, Lord.
I talked to my friend, Charlene, this afternoon, and she knew my mind and heart were heavy. I told her that I feel burdened, like a weight is on my shoulders. It reminds me of the old roadrunner cartoons where Wylie Coyote ends up with an anvil crashing down on him, sending him plummeting over the edge of a cliff. Or, when his plan goes awry, and Acme dynamite explodes, burning his fur to the point of non-existence. He remains just a shell of his former self.
The anvil is heavy, most certainly, and my shell is fragile, at best.
My sweet Maggie is having a very hard time with Samuel’s autism- specifically, some of the behaviors he exhibits that affect her directly. In some ways this breaks my heart more so than Sam’s diagnosis. How do I protect her and her quivering soul right now? She is sad, confused, angry. She so desperately wanted a sibling, and her love for him amazes me. But, she has not gone unscathed. None of us have.
She is such an intrigual part of this family- our first born baby. Our only child for 7.5 years, she has had to become a big sister, a sharer of her parents’ love and time, and a person with much empathy for her struggling brother. She is just a little girl. I think there are moments of remembrance, when things were easy. Movie dates, zoo days, picnics- easy. No worrying that we will suddendly need to leave to cater to sweet Sam’s needs. She is grieving those days. Aren’t we all? Isn’t that very human of us? Isn’t that ok?
I am praying for her continuously. I find myself whispering breath prayers that her days at school are joyful, and that the boy in her class who calls her names leaves her alone. I pray that her heart stays young and innocent for as long as it can- for God to guard it and hold her steady in his hands. I pray for her teacher to be aware and loving of her individual needs. It is an ongoing conversion with Him.
Maggie learned this verse tonight:
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7.
Such simple words that need no explanation. I hope that she will use this in her times of heartache.
In the meantime, I pray.
thisblandlife 